ANKARA – As the international revolutionary movement is already aware, as they all keep their eyes on Turkey at all times for the slightest development in that country, Max Zirngast was acquitted on September the 11th, 2019, of all of the trumped up charges which were collected to slander him since his initial detention on September the 11th, 2018.
No longer facing a ban on leaving the country as he has since he was initially freed, this heroic foreign socialist who actually learned proper Turkish, unlike all the others, is now free to go wherever he wants. One of our Ankara correspondents sat down with the intrepid Austrian to figure out what his plans are, and what the class implications of those plans are:
WS: Congratulations on being found innocent of being a member of a terrorist organisation, and thus returning to the ranks of ordinary non-AKP supporters [AKP’s note: this still constitutes a kind a terrorist]. With such a high-profile career in hypothetical terror, perhaps you have some unique insight into the anti-terror legislation in Turkey?
MZ: Definitely, I do. Principally, as you can imagine, the worst thing about the existing anti-terror legislation is that there’s nothing in it preventing Turkish authorities from arbitrarily detaining and arresting me, Max Zirngast. I would say that if Turkey had any commitment to democratic norms, they would follow the example of the European bourgeois democracies and include in all anti-terror legislation stipulations regarding the innocence of Max Zirngast.
WS: Definitely, there’s a campaign the international movement can get behind. But what do you have to say about the thousands of other democrats, progressives, leftists, socialists, and especially the Kurds who have been jailed by the Turkish state?
MZ: I think they are all very nice guys. Probably we should free them, too.
WS: So given the current situation in Turkey and your status as a foreigner, it’s probably pretty unclear whether or not you’ll stay. If you are able to remain in Ankara, what would your plans be?
MZ: Well naturally I was planning to enter legal politics, become elected President of Turkey, and rule via an increasingly paranoid Twitter account. But just before my day in court, I got started with the Twitter megalomania, and I found myself tweeting all sorts of things like “the Turkish deep state is too WEAK to hold ME, Max Zirngast! Their FAKE LEGAL SYSTEM is just the product of a series of 20TH CENTURY IMPERIALIST-BACKED COUPS. Sad!”; and “I have a bunch of GREAT IDEAS for ABOLISHING THE COMMODITY FORM, give up on CROOKED TAYYIP and choose me as your all-dominating dictatorial patriarch figure, Turks!”, and you know, does the world really need more of that?
So instead I’ll probably open a bakery and sell vegan Apfelstrudel.
WS: Alright now, if, on the other hand, you are forced by circumstance to leave the paradise on Earth which is Ankara, where you have made so many friends in the socialist movement, would you have to start all over? Do you feel you have a future in left politics outside of Turkey, at this point?
MZ: Do I have a future in left politics? Baby, I am the future of left politics. What you should be asking yourself is if anyone will pay attention to Turkey, and all of your struggles and organisations and mass movements and so forth when I, Max Zirngast, have gone. If I go back to Austria, maybe the Austrian left will become good. If I go to Germany, I plan to surpass Stefan Engel. If I go to Switzerland or Liechtenstein, maybe I can figure out why you guys are so obsessed with these stupid countries, which frankly just take up space in our region.
To be honest I have to take a break and go back to Austria either way. My owner, herself a Turkish socialist woman, is a big fan of Worker’s Spatula and your socialist matriarchy line. She wants to start a man harem of Austrian studs like myself, and as such I have to please mistress. But after that, she and I and the others might go any number of places, depending on the political conditions, and you can expect that wherever we are is where the action is gonna be.
WS: Very nice. Expecting great things from you, Max Zirngast. Any final thoughts for our remaining five readers [Editor’s note: now that Facebook is refusing to put our WordPress pieces in anyone’s feed]?
MZ: I don’t know. Tell the workers and oppressed that I think they’d make a cute couple or something. Seviyorsalar gitsinler konuşsunlar bence.
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